


Crossroads

by fluteandguqin



Category: K-hiphop, MKIT RAIN
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Heartbreak, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, OT3, Out of Character, Pining, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23361799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluteandguqin/pseuds/fluteandguqin
Summary: Jinyong and Daniel are best friends who live together and lead quite average lives. They are... more or less satisfied this way. Here and there an unreached dream pops up, they don't dwell on it.Their world will get turned upside down when they happen to stumble into Nicholas.
Relationships: Choi Seokbae | Nafla/Lee Jinyong | Loopy, Kim Hyunwoong | Bloo/Choi Seokbae | Nafla, Kim Hyunwoong | Bloo/Lee Jinyong | Loopy
Kudos: 26





	1. I

It was like getting up too fast, but continuous. The white dots wouldn’t disappear from his vision, the pressure around his brain wouldn’t cease.

Daniel was sitting on the bathroom floor, head between his knees. He wasn’t nauseous, just terribly dizzy.

“Dude, I told you not to mix your meds with alcohol.”

It was Jinyong who was by his side, like so many times before.

“We came here to drink, didn’t we?” Daniel said through his teeth.

“I know, I know,” Jinyong said, rubbing Daniel’s back. “But this is the third time, man. We can’t go out anymore without you passing out. You really gotta stop drinking. Or smoking. Or both!”

“We both know that’s not happening.” Daniel straightened up against the wall. “I’m fine.”

“No longer dizzy?” Jinyong asked, instinctively grabbing Daniel’s arm as to stop him from standing up too quickly.

“Yeah. I’m fine, I promise.”

Jinyong helped him up, carefully. As Daniel was getting up though, someone pushed past them to get into the bathroom.

“Hey, watch it!” Jinyong yelled.

The person didn’t hear. They only proceeded to kneel by a toilet, not bothering to close the stall door.

Their bangs were getting into their face, they were struggling to hold themself up.

Jinyong approached, helping the guy keep his hair out of his face while he puked.

When he was done he straightened up, staggered to the sinks and drank some water, washed his face. Then he smiled widely at Jinyong and Daniel.

“Sweet! Now I can drink more,” he said cheerfully.

Daniel and Jinyong exchanged looks.

“Thanks for helping me out. Want me to buy you a drink?”

“Yes, please,” Daniel said, returning the smile, but Jinyong took a hold of his hood and tugged him backwards.

“No way. You were just losing consciousness, dude!”

Daniel struggled to get free and once he did, he straightened his hoodie out. “Don’t baby me. I said I was fine!”

The man looked between the two, rubbing the back of his neck. “So… drinks or no drinks?”

At this point Jinyong only shrugged, not even looking at Daniel.

“I’m Nicholas by the way,” the man said before opening the bathroom door and letting all the noise from the party in.

Daniel and Jinyong both said their names and Nicholas responded with, “Cool, I’ll definitely ask again.”

They went back inside and got their drinks. Jinyong didn’t take his eyes off of Daniel, watching out for any signs of unwellness from him. But for the most part everything was fine.

As it became apparent quickly, Nicholas was a shameless dancer. Holding his bottle of soju still, he pulled Daniel along with him. Still tipsy, Daniel went along with it, letting Nicholas hold his waist.

And Jinyong watched all of this from the side, sipping his beer, not sure how to feel. He wanted to be happy for his friend, but there was something about the way Nicholas swayed his hips that unsettled him. Soon he became uneasy, he wanted to move from there as soon as possible. But where to?

“Guys,” he said. He had to get close for them to be able to hear him, so close that he practically broke them apart. “I’m hungry,” he said.

Nicholas didn’t seem bothered. He took a sip of his soju. “There’s a pizza place down the street.”

Jinyong looked for any signs of protest on Daniel’s face, but all he found were his red cheeks and averted gaze. He said nothing.

The three of them moved along, shuffling through the crowd. Someone grabbed onto Jinyong’s sleeve and when he turned he saw that it was Daniel, trying not to get lost. As for Nicholas, it was difficult to lose him, what with his hair dyed half red, half black.

It was good to breathe some fresh air, after being stuck in a cloud of smoke for hours.

Daniel let go of Jinyong as soon as they were outside.

They walked in the middle of the street, the three of them in a line. Jinyong wasn’t really hungry. He would wind up with a slice of pizza he didn’t want, but maybe he’d be able to convince Daniel to have some.

“Come to think of it, I could use a slice of pizza,” Nicholas thought out loud.

They got two. Nicholas ate his own, while Jinyong offered half of his to Daniel. He didn’t turn it down. They sat at the small, cosy place with neon signs and a large window overlooking the empty street.

“So I don’t know anything about you.” Nicholas said. “But now that we’re hanging out you might as well tell me.”

“Tell you… what?” Jinyong asked.

Nicholas shrugged. “Anything.”

He wasn’t making any sense, not to Jinyong who was mostly sober at least.

But Daniel seemed to understand. Or, he just had a tendency to overshare when drunk.

No. It was something about Nicholas that made Daniel want to talk to him.

“What’s there to say?” He started. “The name’s Daniel Kim. I’m 25, I’m a hairdresser. This here is my best friend, Jinyong Lee. We’ve known each other since we were little and dreamed about living together when we grew up. We live together now, things are… okay for the most part, it’s just that I’m clinically depressed and I feel like dead weight most of the time.” He went quiet.

Nicholas listened with wide, genuine eyes, nodding and chewing his pizza.

“You’re not a dead weight,” Jinyong said, god knows which time already. He didn’t mind repeating though, if it would help reassure Daniel. The problem was, it didn’t seem to.

“Hey, it’s all good as long as you’re still pushing through.,” Nicholas said. “You’re here, right? Alive, breathing, having fun. Means you’re doing just fine.”

Daniel looked up and gave the tiniest smile.

Jinyong glared. What was it about Nicholas that he, a mere stranger, could reassure Daniel with such a stupid, generic statement and Jinyong, Daniel’s lifelong friend,  _ best  _ friend, couldn’t with all his genuine words?

“What about you?” Daniel asked.

Nicholas put his pizza down on the cardboard triangle that he had left on the table. “Well, I’m Nicholas Choi, I’m 27 and I’m a rapper. Nafla’s the stage name. I’m, uh, getting over a pretty nasty breakup so I’m in a bit of a rut.”

“Ah,” Daniel said, as if he understood everything. “How long were you together?”

“Two years. I thought it’d be serious.”

“I’m sorry man.”

“It’s whatever,” Nicholas was quick to say, beginning to search his pockets and getting out a pack of cigarettes. He lit one. “I’m just…” He sighed. “He was my producer. So I’m a bit… I can produce my own songs, but shit’s tough right now. I’m struggling to keep everything up on my own.”

Daniel straightened up with a smile on his face. He took Jinyong by the shoulder and shook him a little.

“Jinyong is a producer!” He said.

“Wait—” Jinyong tried to jump to his defence.

Nicholas perked up. “You are?”

“Well—Kind of? I want to be. I know I’d be good if I got a proper chance, but so far all I’ve got is my own and Daniel’s work…”

“We’re not all that serious,” Daniel confirmed. “But we’d like to be.”

A smile danced on Nicholas’ lips. “That’s perfect! Imagine what it’d be like, the three of us, working together.” He turned to Daniel. “What do you do again?”

“Well—I’m a hairdresser, but…”

“But he’s also got a beautiful voice and is an extremely talented songwriter and composer,” Jinyong said.

Daniel’s cheeks flushed and he rubbed the back of his neck. “We just fuck around in our friend’s studio after hours… It’s nothing monumental.”

“But it could be! If you really have talent like your friend says, we could make something of you.”

Daniel cleared his throat and spread his legs in his seat, crossing his arms. He was doing the opposite of how he’d usually shrink when embarrassed. Jinyong hadn’t figured out yet why, but he’d been doing that lately, trying to take up more space and appear… tough, almost.

“We can talk about it when we’re not all drunk,” Jinyong said tiredly.

“Good idea. Speaking of which, why don’t we take a walk?” Nicholas suggested.

And so they did. The air was chilly. It didn’t bother Jinyong, but he kept checking if Daniel was cold. Meanwhile he was baffled at Nicholas’ ability to wear a tank top and a hoodie and be perfectly fine.

He rambled a lot, about nothing and everything. Jinyong had this tendency to be overfocused when he was drunk, which was why he participated in the conversation, no matter how many times Nicholas jumped between topics.

Despite everything, Jinyong had to admit, he was fun to talk to. And Daniel seemed to be having fun too, which was all that mattered.

* * *

Jinyong didn’t hold Nicholas to anything he said when he was drunk. Jinyong didn’t even stay in touch with him. They went about their lives, went to work like any other day, went on.

Until that day, when Daniel received a message.

They were watching a movie, huddled together on their creaky couch, when Daniel’s screen lit up.

“Who’s  _ nasungcityboy _ ?” asked Jinyong, having caught a glimpse of the instagarm username before he looked away.

“Nicholas,” Daniel said, picking up his phone to read the message.

Jinyong felt a sting in his chest. “I didn’t know you stayed in touch.”

Daniel flushed. “I thought he was cool…”

“Hey, do whatever you want.” Jinyong was quiet for a second. “It’s kind of cute, really.”

“What is?” Daniel snapped, but as angry as his tone was, his cheeks grew more crimson.

Jinyong shrugged. “Your infatuation with him.”

He thought for a second Daniel might deny it, but he only lowered his gaze and muttered, “He’s kind of cute.” Then he cleared his throat and straightened up, did his best to take up more space as he often did.

“He says he wants to meet up with us.”

“Oh?”

“Looks like he was serious about all that stuff… you producing, me… I don’t even know what he had in mind for me.”

“Your voice,” Jinyong reminded. “Your song writing and your composing.”

Daniel only nodded stiffly. He didn’t speak for a while. “Do you wanna see him?”

Jinyong was genuinely surprised. “He invited me too?”

“Of course he did. He needs a producer.” Daniel leaned in and booped Jinyong’s nose. “And that’s you.”

Jinyong blinked and pulled back when Daniel booped him. He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know… Is that really possible? Seemed more like childish daydreaming than any sort of reality.”

“It could work,” Daniel said quietly. “I mean this is what you really want to do, isn’t it? Why not give it a shot. Nafla is a somewhat known name, you know. I’ve researched him, I’ve listened to his stuff. He’s legit. He’s not just some soundcloud rapper.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

Daniel glared.

“If he was legit, why would he be hanging out at a random party that our broke asses go to?”

“He  _ is  _ legit, he’s just not super rich.”

Jinyong shrugged, crossing his arms, still looking away.

“Whatever. I want to see him and I will.”

“Do what you want.”

“I will!”

“Fine!”

They sat in silence.

“Did you take your meds?” Jinyong asked.

Daniel nodded, but refused to look at him.

* * *

Nicholas’ red and black hair stood out in the sea of heads that passed along the street in front of the Starbucks where they agreed to meet up.

He approached with a grin. “Hey, hey, hey!” He greeted with arms wide open. He engulfed Daniel into a tight hug that he was not expecting, and didn’t quite appreciate.

He pushed Nicholas away instinctively. “Sorry—” He said then. “I’m not a hugger.”

“That’s fine,” Nicholas said with a wave of his hand. “Let’s get something to drink, yeah?”

While walking in, he turned to Daniel and asked, “Hey, where’s your friend? I was hoping to see him.”

“He didn’t want to come,” Daniel said.

Nicholas gave him an odd look, but didn’t say anything.

He began the talk with a rant about his hangover from his most recent outing. Daniel listened with half a brain; he mostly focused on Nicholas’ voice, the little details of his appearance like his shaved off eyebrows and eyebrow piercings, like the way his lip quirked up when he pronounced certain words, the way he tapped his fingers while he spoke.

It wasn’t until Nicholas truly introduced the topic that Daniel began to listen for real.

“So, when it comes to the business. I imagine you’re most interested in that.”

Daniel nodded, taking a sip of his coffee and burning his tongue. He hissed, trying to cool his mouth.

Nicholas smiled and handed him a pack of sugar. “It’s supposed to help.”

Daniel grimaced, but ate the sugar raw anyways. It didn’t really help.

“I know that I was drunk that night, perhaps too enthusiastic. But I meant what I said, which is why I have had this on my mind and took the time to review our options.” He leaned in and put his palms flat on the table. “It could work. I have the space, I have the resources, I just need to hear what you guys have and I’ll see if we can do something together. See, for now I’d need help with my work, if that’s okay with you. Thing is, I’m not capable of helping you kick start your own career right now. I hope you understand.”

Daniel nodded. “Of course. I didn’t—I didn’t just come here hoping for that. I completely understand that we should collaborate.”

Nicholas’ shoulders relaxed and he gave a little smile. “Thank you… We should, um, discuss the details with Jinyong, if… if he’s still interested.” Nicholas looked down, tapping on the table. “He’d be a real lifesaver. What I really need is a producer.”

Daniel’s heart sank but he tried to swallow down the heavy feeling. It was fine. He was used to not being needed.

“I’ll talk to him,” he said drily. “He’s been all weird, I don’t know why. But… yeah, I’ll ask him.”

Nicholas nodded. “Hey, hey. You okay?” He reached out and lifted Daniel’s chin. His heart leapt and he pulled back. “Sorry, sorry,” Nicholas said. “I guess you’re not very touchy either.”

Daniel wanted to respond verbally but the only thing he was fit for at the moment was a shake of the head. He cleared his throat.

“Seriously though, are you okay?”

Nicholas may not have been touching him anymore, but he had leaned over half the table. He was just one of those people, it seemed.

“I’m fi—” Daniel’s voice came out weak and he had to clear his throat before trying again, “I’m fine.”

Nicholas nodded, leaning back just a little. “If you say so. Hey, this is gonna be great. I’m really great I found you guys. I just, well, I hope you’re as good as you say.” He grinned.

“I’ll send you some of our music,” Daniel said. “And, um, I actually have some of my lyrics with me…”

“You do? That’s great!” Nicholas leaned in again. “Let me see.”

With shaky hands, Daniel pulled out a little stack of papers out of his bag and handed it to Nicholas. Waiting ensued. Daniel wrung his hands, looked to the side.

“I like this. I like this a lot,” Nicholas said. “It’s… not all of it’s my style. But we can work something out.”

Daniel cleared his throat this time before he spoke, “I’ve listened to your music. I think I can manage something like that.”

Nicholas nodded, and nodded again. “That’s great! Wow. We could actually do this.” Nicholas reached out, but remembered Daniel’s discomfort with physical contact and withdrew. “Talk to Jinyong. I don’t mean to sound desperate. But he did mention this being what he wants to do. Talk to him because he’s got a chance with me. We can help each other out.”

Daniel nodded. With Nicholas radiating optimism, even he couldn’t help having a good feeling about this.

* * *

“Do you want some tea?” Daniel asked when Jinyong returned home, and he was not doing it because he needed to bring Nicholas up again. He was doing it just because he wanted to, because he always did so when Jinyong returned from work.

“Sure,” Jinyong said, passing a hand over his face.

Daniel gave his friend a concerned look. He seemed tired… Was this the right time to bring the matter up?

No. He needed to do this. He needed to do it for Nicholas.

When the tea was made, Daniel approached the couch with the mug and handed it to Jinyong. He looked up and gave a grateful smile. Daniel did his best to smile back.

He sat on the couch, shuffling close to Jinyong.

“Hey. I need to talk to you about something.”

Jinyong froze and turned to look at Daniel, eyes wide, eyebrows raised. “That sounds scary. You’re pregnant?”

Daniel laughed, grateful to Jinyong for lightening the mood. He ran a hand through his hair. His laughter died out. “...It’s about Nicholas.”

Jinyong’s exaggerated expression of surprise hardened, his eyes became expressionless. “Oh.”

“Listen. We met up. He’s actually serious about this! And he wants  _ you _ . He doesn’t need me at all, he needs a producer.”

“Don’t say that,” Jinyong muttered.

Daniel shook his head. “It’s true. I think you should give it a shot. You’ve always wanted this…”

“But…” Jinyong sighed, turning his whole body on the couch to be facing Daniel entirely. “Why us? Did you think about that? If he’s a serious musician, why does he pick up his crew in a bathroom at a party?”

At this, Daniel stopped to think. “I don’t know,” he said at last. “All I know is that he needs help with his music. His popularity is growing, but he can’t do everything on his own. He needs you.”

Jinyong sighed once again, much heavier and exasperated. “I just don’t like him, okay? I didn’t want to say it because I know that you do, but… I have a bad vibe from him, like, I wouldn’t want to spend hours working on something with his voice in it.”

“Have you even heard anything of his? He’s really good!”

Jinyong stayed quiet. Daniel could almost see a wall breaking down.

“Let me play a song of his. Just listen to it and tell me if it’s shit.”

Jinyong once again didn’t say anything. Daniel jumped to his feet to grab his phone.

Sound filled the room. Jinyong sat on the couch with his arms crossed, looking down, listening intently. When the song was over, he cursed, shaking his head.

“It’s good. It hurts me to say it, but it’s actually good. Damn.”

Daniel smiled widely. “See! I told you so—”

Jinyong grimaced. “Don’t get too cocky. I’ll… fuck, I don’t know. I’m busy these days, you know. But I guess I can meet up with him…”

* * *

Nicholas was smiling. “I didn’t think you’d show up. I’m so relieved.”

“I’m doing this for Daniel,” Jinyong said icily. Then his shoulders relaxed and he had to swallow his pride. “...and because you’re kinda good.”

That wide smile and not an ounce of humility drove Jinyong insane. “I know, right,” Nicholas said, sipping on his coffee.

“And Daniel did you a favour,” Nicholas continued. “He sent me some of your stuff. And you know, what? I think you and I could really do well together.” A sip. “Our music, that is. I’m not sure how we’ll work together logistically, what with you hating me and all.”

Jinyong’s chest tightened. “I don’t hate you.”

“You sure as hell don’t like me.”

“Well—”

Nicholas waved him off. “It’s fine. We can keep it a business thing.”

Jinyong still felt the need to clarify. “It’s just a thing of first impressions.”

“In that case I hope you get to know me better.”

* * *

And get to know him he did.

Jinyong didn’t expect things to go the way they did. He didn’t expect to like Nicholas as much as he did. He didn’t expect to like working with him as much as he did. He somehow expected Nicholas not to be serious, but he was, for the most part. He knew how to have fun while also getting things done.

The two of them worked day and night to finish Nafla’s next album and when it was done, Nicholas kept his promise to Daniel. They worked with Nicholas’ manager to create an image for him, to find a stage name and so on. Nicholas, Jinyong and Daniel all worked on his lyrics, his music and the songs.

It was a lot of work, but Daniel flourished in it. He had a routine, he had something to focus on, something that made him happy. He continued working as a hairdresser, but now he had a creative outlet and he was grateful for it.

The three of them also went out a lot. It appeared to be a symptom of being Nicholas’ friend. He always dragged them to clubs and parties, convinced them to drink and dance. Jinyong was often the one who offered to drive and stay sober.

Daniel knew what he was doing and it made him feel guilty for following in Nicholas’ footsteps every single time. However, the moment he and Nicholas stepped onto the dance floor that guilt disappeared.

Daniel liked Nicholas’ attention. He liked it when the two of them went for a coffee or took shots. He liked it when they danced, he liked it when Nicholas got so drunk that he forgot Daniel’s boundaries and mindlessly slung his arm around him, or pulled him close. Daniel liked it when he himself was drunk enough not to mind.

One night however, Nicholas started insisting on meeting some new people.

“But you have us,” Daniel said.

“The more the merrier!” was Nicholas’ only response before he took Daniel and Jinyong by the wrists and dragged them towards a group of dancing friends. He was the one who did the introductions and the talking. Jinyong and Daniel stayed on the sidelines.

Daniel hated it. Nicholas no longer danced with him, or tried to hug him or hold him close. He was in a dancing circle with his new “friends” while him and Jinyong just sat on a couch, smoking.

And then it happened. Nicholas pulled one of the girls close and kissed her fiercely. One of his hands was in her hair, the other on her hip. She was clinging to the front of his shirt, like Daniel used to when Nicholas would embrace him.

Daniel was sick. The moment was excruciating, and all the alcohol he’d drank that night began raising in his stomach.

But then it was over and Daniel could breathe in relief. Or so he hoped. He hoped that it was the end of it.

It wasn’t. Very soon, Nicholas got pulled in by one of the girl’s friends and they kissed while the others around them laughed, or did the same.

Daniel dropped his cigarette and made a beeline to the bathroom. Jinyong was at his heel.

Daniel dropped to his knees by one of the toilets and vomited. Jinyong was there to help him up, to hold him around the waist while he washed his face and drank water.

Jinyong was asking him if he was okay, but Daniel couldn’t respond. Not even he understood what had gotten into him.

His whole life, he had only been close with Jinyong. Daniel could see himself living with Jinyong, going on adventures with him, traveling with him, figuring life out with him, growing old with him. For the past few years, that was exactly how it had been. But then Nicholas appeared and turned Daniel’s whole world upside down. He started to question what he felt for Jinyong, what he felt for Nicholas....

Until Daniel decided that it didn’t matter. He didn’t see himself as someone capable of a relationship, not a healthy one anyway. He didn’t see himself ever succeeding in making any advancements on either Jinyong or Nicholas. Neither one of them saw him that way, he just knew it.

That night, it was confirmed.

When he faced Jinyong, Daniel crumbled. He buried his face in Jinyong’s neck and cried.

They never told Nicholas what had happened. They didn’t get the chance to anyway. He went home with one of the girls, and Daniel cried himself to sleep that night.

* * *

At first they only worked on Nicholas’ music. But over time, he began pushing Jinyong to perform as well. He insisted that Jinyong had a good voice and was a talented rapper.

They began recording songs together.

“A few months ago you hated him,” Daniel pointed out.

“That’s an exaggeration,” Jinyong said.

Daniel shifted, lifting his legs into Jinyong’s lap. “I’m just glad you came through. You two are doing well.”

Jinyong poked Daniel’s thigh. “Is something wrong?”

Daniel shrugged.

Something was wrong, but Daniel didn’t want to speak about it. Those days he no longer felt like he could talk to Jinyong. He was always busy, always working on something with Nicholas.

He was making a name for himself. Loopy and Nafla. They had become a tandem.

And Daniel was nothing.

He wasn’t jealous. He just missed his best friend.

And he couldn’t tell him that because no matter what he said, no matter how he put it, he would end up sounding jealous.

Jinyong kept poking Daniel, moving up to probe at his stomach until he started laughing.

“Stop!” He said through laughter.

“Not until you tell me!”

Daniel whined. “I miss you, okay?”

Jinyong stopped. “What?”

Daniel was quiet. He moved off of Jinyong, scooted over to his side of the couch.

“I don’t understand,” Jinyong said, shuffling over to Daniel while still keeping his distance.

Daniel shrugged. “I just feel like you…” He shook his head. “No. It’s stupid. Forget about it.”

“Danny, we need to talk about things if we want to work out issues…” Jinyong spoke patiently, but there was tension in his voice.

“It’s just me being stupid,” Daniel muttered, looking away. “I… I don’t know. I miss it when it was just the two of us.”

Jinyong frowned. “Hold up, hold up, hold up. Didn’t you like Nicholas in the first place? Didn’t you want us to work together?”

Daniel hugged himself. “I know, but—I thought that we’d all be friends and—neither one of you really have time for me and—” He hid his face with his hand. “It’s stupid. I told you it was stupid.”

Jinyong now sat up and embraced Daniel, resting his chin on top of Daniel’s head. He looked so small in Jinyong’s embrace.

“Oh Danny, Danny, Danny! I’m sorry, I really am. I wish I could be there more…”

Daniel shook his head, though he didn’t move away from Jinyong. “It’s  _ fine _ . It’s stupid. We’re all busy, I know that, just…”

Jinyong squeezed Daniel a tiny bit tighter. “I know. But I’ll still try to do better, okay? I don’t like it when you’re sad.”

Daniel nodded and sighed. He didn’t believe Jinyong. He knew exactly what was happening and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. He’d lost Nicholas when he started with his nightly conquests. Now, he was losing Jinyong to Nicholas.

He thought that the three of them would be a team, but Daniel was lonelier than ever. And he couldn’t explain it to either of them.

It happened one night at the studio.

Nicholas and Jinyong had finished recording for their album and were sitting in the studio, drinks in hand, letting themselves absorb the fact that one big chunk of the work was finally done.

Jinyong was smiling to himself. When he lifted his gaze to Nicholas, he realized that Nicholas had been looking his way.

“What?” He asked.

“Nothing,” Nicholas said. “I just love your smile.”

Jinyong looked away, taking a sip of his soju. He looked up again. Nicholas was still staring.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Jinyong mumbled.

“Like what?” Nicholas was smiling. No—smirking.

“Like—” Jinyong wasn’t sure what to call it. The only thing that kept flashing in his mind was that Daniel would kill to receive that look from Nicholas. “I don’t know. Just cut it out.”

Nicholas stood up, slowly walked over to where Jinyong was sitting on the desk.

“I’m only admiring,” Nicholas said.

Jinyong’s heart sped up. He held Nicholas’ gaze, trying to communicate his disapproval non-verbally.

Nicholas stepped closer. Was he not getting Jinyong’s message or was he ignoring it?

“I was going to invite you out, to celebrate, but…” When Nicholas touched his cheek, Jinyong froze. “You’re tired. You should probably go home.”

Jinyong liked this idea. He nodded stiffly. “Yeah, I’ll…” When he tried to stand up from the desk, Nicholas didn’t stop him.

Jinyong gathered his things and put on his jacket.

“Wait,” Nicholas called.

Jinyong’s blood froze in his veins. “Yeah?” His voice was weak.

Nicholas walked over. He leaned in and all too casually pressed his lips to Jinyong’s. As if it was a “hello.” It was brief, just the shortest moment of Nicholas sucking on Jinyong’s bottom lip before pulling away.

“Good job. I’m proud of us.” Nicholas smiled.

Jinyong stared at him. Nicholas started to get ready to get out as if nothing had happened.

“You—” Jinyong choked.

“Yeah?”

“You kissed me.”

“Good observation skills.”

Jinyong swallowed. Once he was ready, Nicholas stood in front of him and tilted his head. “Want me to do it again?”

Jinyong stared. His heart was beating in his throat. “Nick… I don’t see you that way.”

Nicholas shrugged. “It’s just a kiss.”

_ ‘Daniel is in love with you, you insensitive prick!’ _ Jinyong wanted to say, because there was no way Nicholas didn’t know. But he gathered his bearings and instead said, coldly, “Don’t do that again.”

Nicholas nodded. “Sorry,” he said and it did not sound genuine. “Shall we?”

Jinyong was dizzy. Together they went outside. Nicholas didn’t bring up the kiss again.

Jinyong was slowly being eaten away with guilt. Him and Daniel told each other everything. Not only was this the first time he was truly hiding something from Daniel, but it was a big, guilt-heavy secret as well.

He decided that he would have to tell Daniel, that it was better to put the cards on the table. The two of them would work it out, Jinyong knew it. He hoped for it.

He was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, drinking a beer. Daniel joined him soon after, mimicking Jinyong and sitting on the kitchen table.

“What’s up?”

“I was just thinking… We’re in a position now where we can get a new place,” he said. He knew he shouldn’t beat around the bush, but he couldn’t just open with “the person you’re in love with kissed me. Sorry.”

Daniel nodded. “Yeah, I really hate it here. We should definitely start looking.”

Jinyong nodded. He was silent.

“Is there something else…?”

This is what he meant. Even when Jinyong had a secret, Daniel saw right through him. He didn’t even have to say anything, Daniel simply knew when something was wrong.

“Danny…” Jinyong sighed heavily. He was choking on his own breath. “You like Nicholas, don’t you?”

Daniel frowned. “Why are you bringing that up now?”

“Just answer me,” Jinyong whispered.

Daniel was quiet for a long moment. “Yeah. I thought I was being obvious.”

“I figured it out a while ago,” Jinyong admitted. “It just didn’t matter until now.”

Daniel swallowed. “Why does it matter now?”

The sentence echoed in Jinyong’s mind, each time getting louder and louder. He could taste it on his tongue. Finally, he pushed it out. “Because he kissed me.”

Daniel was silent. Jinyong looked up at him, looking for any kind of reaction, but the other was completely motionless, staring ahead.

“Danny…?”

His gaze snapped up at Jinyong. “Congrats. I’m happy for you.”

“What—?”

Daniel shrugged. “I knew something like this would happen sooner or later. I—yeah, I’m glad—”

“Daniel, it’s not like that. I turned him down, I told him that I’m not interested in him,” Jinyong tried to explain.

Daniel’s chin was trembling. He aggressively wiped his eyes. “Listen, I don’t care what’s going on between the two of you. It’s just—you two have been so close. So it doesn’t even really matter. I’ve known for a while…”

“You’ve known  _ what _ ?”

“That I’m a burden,” Daniel spat out.

Jinyong blinked. “What the fuck are you—” He went silent. “This isn’t about the kiss, is it?”

Daniel was staring at the floor. “I…” He choked on air. He cleared his throat. “I’ve been nothing but a burden to you. To everyone, but you especially. And now you found someone you can work with, someone who’s a good friend and isn’t also a—fucked up mess. So… I’m happy for you.” A pause. “Maybe we should get separate places.”

“Daniel,  _ no _ .” Jinyong balled his fists. “You’re  _ wrong _ . I don’t know where this is coming from, but it’s not true! You’re not—”

“You just don’t see it,” Daniel said quietly. “You might disagree, but, Jinyong, I’ve gotten way too attached to you. I depend on you. It’s—It’s fucking toxic, man. You shouldn’t have let me get so close, you shouldn’t have—”

“Daniel—”

He shook his head. “You can get a new place and I’ll stay here.”

“I’m not doing that,” Jinyong said firmly.

“If you won’t leave, then I will. I need to stop depending on you. I need to be away from you for a while and… I’ll come back when I’m no longer a burden to everyone around me.”

“Danny, isolation is not the way.” Jinyong attempted to sound firm.

“You can’t change my mind. What happened only proves it. I need some time apart. I want to focus on my music and… yeah.”

Jinyong could only stare in disbelief. “You’re… upset right now. You don’t mean this. You’ll come around.”

Daniel let him have the last word. But in the following days he avoided Jinyong, avoided talking to him, and worked on finding a new apartment. Because he knew that if they talked, he might end up changing his mind.

And then, he moved out as soon as it was possible.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year later...

Someone tapped his shoulder. Daniel spun around, instantly stepping away from the person.

If he hated anything, it was meeting people at parties. He hated it when people recognized him, which made it difficult to go out, something Daniel had started doing more often those days. People recognizing him as Bloo and trying to talk to him… it happened from time to time.

But this… This was a familiar face.

Familiar red and black hair, although this time with eyebrows.

“Bloo!” Nicholas exclaimed, opening his arms, but not going in for a hug. “Bloo in Wonderland! Fancy seeing you here!”

Daniel blanked. All he could do was stare. He hadn’t seen Nicholas in over a year, not since everything that had happened between him and Jinyong. Seeing him here now, he was like an apparition. Had he drank too much? Was this real?

“This is my favourite club,” Daniel stuttered out at last.

“Oh, I know,” Nicholas said with a big grin on his face.

Something was off about this response. Other than the fact that Nicholas was quite clearly hammered, Daniel also didn’t like the way he said what he said. It made him take a step back.

“I came hoping to see you,” Nicholas elaborated, stepping forward so that Daniel could hear him at all. Then he added, “I’ve kinda missed you.”

Daniel’s chest tightened, he looked at Nicholas almost apologetically. It was difficult to admit, but Daniel had missed him too.

Then something came over him, something that caused a wrench in his gut. The gentle swelling of his heart was gone, replaced with bubbling frustration. “Aren’t you doing well enough with Jinyong? I thought you didn’t need me.”

“Hey, hey,” Nicholas raised his arms, the liquid spilling from the glass he was holding. “I know you’re upset. I didn’t—I really wanted us all to be friends. But it was really not up to me, the two of you went off and parted ways. I just—I followed the contract, y’know? I… You two put me in a tough spot. I had to choose.”

When Daniel looked at Nicholas, he was overcome with guilt for what he’d said. Nicholas, he… he looked genuinely distraught. Having put his arms down he was swaying, gripping the bar for balance.

“I know… I’m sorry, Nick. We… Things just exploded out of control.”

Nicholas shrugged one shoulder. “I just don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“I’m not,” Daniel assured. Hesitantly, he reached out and squeezed Nicholas’ arm. He smiled at Daniel.

They stayed together. They stood by the bar, ordering drink after drink, talking as much as they could over the music, their throats aching from yelling. At some point Nicholas got tired of it and left his glass on the bar, then took Daniel’s wrist. He leaned in close, said in his ear, “Let’s go dance.”

Daniel stopped to think about it and decided that he was just buzzed enough to agree. He let Nicholas drag him down the stairs and into where the crowd was the thickest.

Daniel didn’t like crowds. Not when he was sober, at least. Now he didn’t mind, he didn’t mind the lack of air, he didn’t mind the bodies pressing up against him, the sweat that gathered at the back of his neck. He danced, swayed, lit a cigarette and did his best not to burn anyone around him.

He let Nicholas hold his waist, drag his hands up his sides. Daniel pressed back against him, resting his head on Nicholas’ shoulder. It was like old times.

Nicholas grinned. “You’ve gotten touchy,” he said into Daniel’s ear.

“I don’t mind so much now,” Daniel said.

Nicholas spun Daniel around. He took the cigarette from his hand, finished the last drag and left it in a nearby ashtray. He snaked his arms around Daniel’s waist, pulling him close, so close that he was completely pressed up against Nicholas. Daniel’s heart raced, he kept his hands on Nicholas’ chest and didn’t look at him.

“How about this? Do you mind this?”

Daniel shook his head.

“What about…” Nicholas tipped Daniel’s chin up. “...this?”

It took Daniel a second to realize what was happening. Nicholas’ lips on his, moving slowly and steadily, parting Daniel’s own.

Daniel wanted to, he wanted to so badly, but he couldn’t let himself enjoy. There was something nagging at him. He pushed Nicholas away.

“What are you—what the fuck!? Aren’t you with Jinyong?”

Daniel couldn’t read Nicholas’ expression. “Jinyong?” Then he laughed, a bit hysterically, his entire body shaking with the intensity. “We’re just colleagues! Do you not remember how he hated me?” Nicholas sighed, laughing still. “Jinyong! He only has eyes for you!”

Daniel stared. “...me?”

Nicholas shrugged. “Just my observation.” He let a moment pass. “So… are we good?”

Daniel nodded slowly. This time, he was the one to lean in.

Daniel realized quickly that he’d been missing out, going to parties and clubs without anyone to make out with. He’d needed this. He’d needed hands on him, someone’s tongue between his lips, being pressed up against a wall and held.

But a moment came when Nicholas pulled away abruptly, hand resting on the wall by Daniel’s head. He stared at the ground, shaking his head.

“What’s wrong?” Daniel asked, worriedly wrapping an arm around Nicholas’ waist.

“Bathroom,” he said, and started making his way through the crowd without waiting for Daniel. He had to do his best to follow.

He reached the bathroom a bit after Nicholas. By the time Daniel arrived, he was already on his knees, gagging over a toilet. Daniel approached, helping him up once he was done.

Nicholas washed his face, drank some water. He stood over the sink, arms shaking as he gripped the edge. “I need air,” he said at last. This time he took Daniel’s hand before he started pushing his way through.

They managed to get out after a few minutes of pushing and squeezing past people. Daniel breathed in the fresh air, his head cleared a little.

Nicholas leaned against the wall, and as soon as he did, he slid down onto the ground. Daniel crouched down next to him, holding him by the shoulder.

“I’m tired,” Nicholas muttered.

“What?”

“Imma lie down…”

“What the f—no, not here, hey—”

But Nicholas was not listening. He slid sideways, falling heavily onto the ground. Daniel stared in awe. He had no idea what to do. He looked around, but the street remained empty.

He attempted, in vain, to shake Nicholas awake, and what he ended up doing was sitting on the ground with Nicholas’ head in his lap. He was half awake, though all he did was groan occasionally. He couldn’t get up.

There was only one person Daniel could think of to call for help. However, he really didn’t want to talk to Jinyong.

But he had to do  _ something _ . And that was exactly what he needed to do. Daniel sighed, placing a protective hand on top of Nicholas’ head.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “Help’s on the way.”

And so Daniel found himself in the backseat with Nicholas’ head once again in his lap. Jinyong drove in silence. The silence turned into anxiety in Daniel’s gut. He kept himself busy with running his fingers through Nicholas’ hair, just trying to calm himself down. He tried his best not to focus on Jinyong.

When they arrived, Jinyong carried Nicholas by throwing him over his shoulder. A little perplexed and disoriented, Daniel only followed him into the building.

It was much nicer than the one the two of them had lived in, Daniel noted. Much cleaner, in a much better neighbourhood. However when he walked into the apartment, he saw that it was only a little bigger than theirs had been. Jinyong lived alone, Daniel realized.

The kitchen and the living room were joined together. One side was the kitchen, with a little table that had three chairs around it. A couch, a TV, a tiny balcony overlooking the street below and the small park between buildings. Three doors were on the other side, presumably leading to the bedroom, or bedrooms, and the bathroom.

Though only a little bigger, the apartment was definitely nicer. The furniture was newer, more expensive by the looks of it and there was no mouldiness or chipped walls, probably no malfunctioning toilets either.

Jinyong put Nicholas down onto the couch into a sitting position. “Sit with him,” Jinyong told Daniel, “And do not let him sleep.” Then he disappeared behind one of the three remaining doors.

Daniel did so, awkwardly. He had never been the one to take care of a drunk person, he was always the drunk person.

He too had picked up the habit of going out drinking every other day, drinking in his free time at home, drinking whenever he was out with anyone as well. It wasn’t the healthiest habit, Daniel was aware, but he found himself needing the feeling. His medication was useless. He needed something else to lift him up. At that point, he could no longer go to sleep if he wasn’t drunk.

In any case, he knew exactly what Nicholas was going through.

Nicholas’ head fell onto Daniel’s shoulder. His eyes were closed and lips parted. Daniel immediately started shaking him.

Nicholas groaned in protest.

“Hey, you can’t sleep. Jinyong said you can’t sleep, remember?”

“But I’m tired,” Nicholas whined.

“I know. You just gotta stay up a bit longer, okay?”

Jinyong came out of what turned out to be the bathroom with a tab of black pills that he threw onto the coffee table in front of Nicholas, then went to get him a glass of water. Nicholas took one of the pills with the water. The way he moved, mechanically and without much thinking, made Daniel think that this had become some sort of standard procedure for the two of them.

“You’re not sleeping until you’re no longer sick, you hear?” Jinyong said, leaning in as if scolding a little child.

Nicholas nodded, already dozing off in his upright position. Jinyong snapped his fingers in front of his face.

“I’m awake,” Nicholas muttered, blinking slowly.

Jinyong sighed, landing heavily onto the couch next to Nicholas, sandwiching him between himself and Daniel.

He took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up.

It seemed that he no longer needed Daniel’s help. Besides, Daniel really didn’t want to stay in Jinyong’s apartment.

He cleared his throat. “I’ll get going…”

“Oh no,” Jinyong said. “You’re drunk too, you didn’t drive here, how the fuck do you think you’ll be getting home?”

“I’ll just call a fucking taxi,” Daniel snapped.

“You’re staying the night, until you feel better.”

“You’re still babysitting me, I see.” Daniel crossed his arms, but he didn’t move. Truth was… he was tired. Thinking of going home right now, it seemed like such a hassle.

Jinyong didn’t respond, only rolled his eyes.

Daniel looked at Nicholas, who was struggling to stay awake.

“What’s been going on with…?” He left the sentence hanging in the air.

Jinyong spared Nicholas a glance. “What’s been going on…” He sighed. “He goes out drinking every night. Every. Single. Night. I can’t get him to stop.”

As worried as Daniel was, there was a familiar push-back to Jinyong’s own worry. “Why would you be stopping him?”

Jinyong stared at him as if he was insane. “He’s my colleague and--friend. I care about his well being.”

“But it’s not your job.”

“Maybe, but—I want him to be okay! Not only that, but working with him has become so fucking difficult. He’s always either drunk or hungover.” Jinyong sighed, shaking his head. He gave Nicholas, who was half asleep, a sideways glance. “He’s so fucking talented, but he’s wasting away.”

Daniel let that sink in. True though it may have been, he still felt the need to defend his standpoint, having been the target of Jinyong’s worry and attempts at control for so long.

“You know what your problem is?” Daniel said slowly.

Jinyong rolled his eyes. “Please, do tell. That’s exactly what I need right now.”

Daniel ignored the sarcasm of the statement and went on, “You get way too attached, way too quickly. And when you do, you start living people’s problems as if they were your own.”

At this, Jinyong went quiet. He said nothing for a couple of drags.

“You and him are the type of people who don’t take care of themselves. Someone has to,” Jinyong said quietly.

“You’re just stressing yourself out. We’re fucking adults, we don’t need you to babysit us.”

“Then learn to take care of yourself!” After saying this, Jinyong suddenly stood up and began pacing the room.

Daniel saw it then. The tension in his shoulders, the shaking of his arms, the bags under his eyes. He was thoroughly exhausted. And it occurred to Daniel that taking care of an alcoholic was probably not the easiest of tasks, while also trying to make it in the music industry.

It also occurred to him that one must really care about someone to sacrifice themself like that for their wellbeing.

He felt a sting of guilt, an uncomfortable sensation right underneath his sternum.

He swallowed. “Sometimes… People just don’t care about themselves. It’s… tied to self-hate and a low self-esteem. And no matter how many people around them do care, they can’t bring themselves to… to be gentle with themselves.”

Jinyong stopped pacing right in front of Daniel. “Do you think I don’t know that?” He said quietly. “I grew up with you. I know how your mind works. You think I don’t, but I do. And you keep shutting me out because you think I don’t understand.”

Daniel shrank. He put his feet on the couch and hugged his knees. He had nothing to say.

Jinyong didn’t address him again. He kneeled in front of Nicholas, gently cupping his cheek.

“Hey,” he called.

Nicholas’ lashes fluttered, he shifted a little and opened his eyes.

“How are we feeling?”

“Mhm,” Nicholas uttered. It took him a second to find any actual words, “Better. Tired.”

“No longer sick?”

Nicholas nodded.

“Let’s go to sleep then.” Jinyong stood up and picked Nicholas up with ease. He carried him off to what Daniel assumed was the bedroom.

Soon, Jinyong returned to the living room and sat back down on the couch. He lit another cigarette.

“You’re a good friend, Jinyong,” Daniel said quietly.

Jinyong sighed tiredly. “Yeah. Sure. I just wish I’d been a better friend to you.”

“Don’t blame yourself for me leaving,” Daniel spoke carefully, observing Jinyong’s profile, expecting a negative reaction.

But Jinyong only calmly exhaled smoke. “I know very well that you simply got stuck in your head and convinced yourself that we didn’t want you, even though it was just your projection. But still…” He paused to take a drag. “I wish I’d been able to support you better. To make you realize that whatever your anxiety was convincing you of wasn’t true.”

Daniel was just about to speak when Jinyong continued,

“But I do blame myself for the kiss.”

Daniel’s head spun. “Don’t—bring that up. You know I don’t blame you for that. You know I don’t take it against you. You know I would have left anyway.”

“I know,” Jinyong said quietly. “But back then, I knew you liked Nicholas. And I didn’t.”

Daniel was quiet. “Didn’t? What about now?”

Jinyong didn’t respond. After twenty minutes of silence, Daniel realized that he would get no answer.

Daniel looked away and smushed his cheek against his knee. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “For leaving.”

Jinyong didn’t say  _ I forgive you _ . He stood up. “We can talk tomorrow. You’re sober enough to dress yourself, are you?”

Daniel nodded.

“Then I’ll give you something of mine to wear to bed and I’ll take the couch.”

Nicholas was asleep in his clothes, apparently something that Jinyong was too tired to fix. He lay on his side, clutching the blanket, lips parted and breathing audibly. Before turning away from him and dozing off, Daniel ran his hands through Nicholas’ hair one last time.

When he awoke the next morning, Daniel was warm. His head hurt, he felt sluggish and dizzy, but he was warm. Because, he realized, he’d been embraced. Both he and Nicholas must have moved throughout the night because they now lay in each other’s arms. The position made Daniel flush and he immediately started thinking of the best way to move away without waking up Nicholas.

Then again with how much he’d drank the night before, it was unlikely that a nuclear blast would wake him up. Daniel was able to slip out of Nicholas’ hold with ease.

Going out into the living room he came across Jinyong, in a chair by the open balcony door, having a cigarette. There was a pillow and an unmade blanket on the couch which led Daniel to believe that Jinyong did sleep the previous night.

Daniel approached from behind and rested a reluctant hand on Jinyong’s shoulder.

“Good morning,” he said after clearing his throat.

Jinyong nodded in response.

“Did you sleep?”

Another nod.

“How much?”

Jinyong tipped his head back, looking at Daniel upside down. He smiled. “Enough. Don’t worry.” Then he brought his free hand up and rested it on top of Daniel’s.

Not knowing what else to say, Daniel said, “Nicholas is still asleep.”

“Yeah, he would be,” was all Jinyong said.

“You’re upset with him?”

Jinyong huffed at that.

Daniel stood there, unsure what to do.

Then it occurred to him. There was really only one thing to do.

He came around to stand in front of Jinyong, then wrapped his arms around him.

Jinyong exhaled. Careful not to not to put out his cigarette against Daniel, he hugged back.

Gradually, Jinyong’s grip tightened. Daniel could soon feel him shaking. He cradled Jinyong’s head, kissed his forehead.

“Are you hungry?” Daniel asked, pulling away to look at Jinyong. “I’ve been cooking for myself recently, I can make us something.”

Jinyong nodded, shrugged.

Daniel leaned in and kissed his cheek, then went to the kitchen. Checking Jinyong’s fridge, Daniel saw that there were ingredients for a solid haejangguk. He got to work.

When he was done, Daniel set the table for three. Just as he was doing this, movement could be heard from the bedroom.

Footsteps.

Nicholas emerged, leaning in the doorway. He took a look at the small table and sat down on one of the chairs. He didn’t start eating, only stared ahead of himself.

Daniel wasn’t sure what to do now. He sat down beside Nicholas and said a hesitant, “Good morning.”

Nicholas completely ignored him. Still staring ahead, he said, “Please don’t go,” and Daniel wasn’t sure who he was addressing.

Jinyong was the one to respond, after shaking ash off his cigarette. “Unlike you, I keep my promises.”

Daniel looked between the two as if observing a tennis match. He was confused, but he knew better than to ask. He already felt like he didn’t belong there, like he was witnessing something that was only for Nicholas and Jinyong to hear. So he shrunk in his spot, not moving a muscle.

“ _ Please _ . We need each other, I—I need you.”

“I know,” Jinyong said. He put out his cigarette and stood up. “That’s exactly why I have to leave. You won’t learn otherwise.” He finally turned to face Nicholas, although the other was still staring ahead. “It’s not just about you either. I… I can’t keep doing this. I’m exerting myself for your sake and you just…” Jinyong made a helpless gesture.

“I’m sorry—”

“How many of your apologies do you think I can take before it’s time to do something!?” Jinyong sighed. “Listen, Nicholas. It’s over. You can give me a call once you’re sober.”

Nicholas didn’t say anything else. When Daniel took a look at his face, he saw that Nicholas’ eyes were glistening.

He began eating. Daniel followed his example. Jinyong joined them soon after.

They ate in silence.

After he was done, Nicholas got up, gathered his things and left without a goodbye.

Daniel looked at Jinyong. “You won’t really leave him?”

Jinyong put his chopsticks down, chewing slowly. “You were right. I do get too attached. I do live people’s problems as if they were my own. I’m done doing that.”

“You know, I didn’t mean—”

Jinyong shook his head. “The last time, I told him that if this happened again we’d be done until he got sober. I’m not going to be a pushover anymore. I said what I said and I’m sticking to it.”

“But… He just might need a friend right now,” Daniel muttered.

“Will you decide!? Just last night you were telling me about how I get into other people's lives too much, and now you want me to do exactly that!?”

Daniel leaned away from Jinyong. “Jesus, fine, I’m sorry. It’s… it’s just a fucked up situation, okay? There’s no right answer—”

“No shit. So maybe you can stop giving unsolicited advice since you don’t know shit about the situation.”

Daniel slowly stood up, going to put his bowl and chopsticks away. Then he stood by Jinyong.

“You’re angry right now so I won’t take any of this to heart. I just want you to know… I’m glad we got to see each other, even under these circumstances.” He paused, rubbing the back of his neck. “Give me a call if you’d like to hang out, when you’ve chilled out a little.”

“Sure,” Jinyong muttered, poking his food around and not looking at Daniel.

“I’ll get going,” Daniel said.

“Do you need a ride?” Jinyong asked.

“I’ll call a taxi.”

And that was the end of it.


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As soon as he was at the door, he was embraced. Jinyong held on tight. Once the surprise seeped out of him, Daniel hugged right back.
> 
> “Are you okay?” Daniel muttered.
> 
> Jinyong nodded. When he pulled away, he acted as if nothing had happened.

Daniel thought that he wouldn’t, but Jinyong did end up calling.

He sounded exhausted. Daniel couldn’t help but worry when he heard how weak his voice was.

Jinyong was asking him to come over. Daniel did.

As soon as he was at the door, he was embraced. Jinyong held on tight. Once the surprise seeped out of him, Daniel hugged right back.

“Are you okay?” Daniel muttered.

Jinyong nodded. When he pulled away, he acted as if nothing had happened.

“How are you?” Daniel persisted, following Jinyong to the couch. They had agreed to have a movie night, for old times’ sake.

“I’ve been…” He chuckled. “Bored, more than anything. It’s…. quiet without Nicholas. Or you.”

“Do you two talk at all?” Daniel asked, trying not to overthink the last part of the sentence.

Jinyong shook his head. “I don’t… I can’t. I hope he’s alright, but I can’t be hearing from him.”

“I understand…”

“I’m worried, but…”

“It’s okay, Jinyong.” Daniel’s voice was gentle. 

Jinyong looked at Daniel, smiling faintly. “Hey. Thank you for being there for me, but I don’t want to talk or think about Nicholas. Let’s just put on a movie and catch up.”

Daniel nodded. It was a good plan.

He liked once again being huddled on the couch with Jinyong, under a warm blanket. He liked that they could be close again without awkwardness.

Daniel didn’t even mind when Jinyong put an arm around him and pulled him close. Actually, it felt like home. Daniel rested his head on Jinyong’s chest, nuzzling close to him.

It had never been like this. Not even before, when they lived together. But Daniel didn’t mind. He never minded when it was Jinyong.

They’d been chatting about music and their careers. Jinyong let Daniel be the one to talk about what he’d been up to during the time they were apart, since he didn’t want to bring up Nicholas.

Then, when Daniel finished a story about his most recent promotions, Jinyong said,

“Danny, I wanted to tell you…”

Daniel looked up at him and tried not to look scared.

“I wanted to tell you that—”

Jinyong’s phone rang. He sighed and reached for his it. Jinyong took one look and tossed it back onto the coffee table where it had been in the first place.

“Who is it?” Daniel asked, placing his hand on Jinyong’s chest.

“Nicholas…”

“Do you want me to answer?”

Jinyong agonized over the answer. “I shouldn’t talk to him, but something might be wrong—Talk to him for me, please.

Daniel nodded, reached for Jinyong’s phone and answered the call. “Hey, Nick. It’s Daniel. What’s up?”

_ “You… where are you?” _ Nicholas slurred as he spoke.

Daniel frowned. “I’m at Jinyong’s… Is everything okay?”

_ “Everything’s fine. Thanks for—yeah. I’ll… I’ll see you around.” _

Before Daniel had a chance to ask anything more, Nicholas hung up. He looked at Jinyong, confused.

“What was that all about?” Daniel muttered.

Jinyong shrugged. He stopped for a second, eyes going out of focus. “I hope he’s really okay.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

They tried to focus on the movie. It seemed that neither of them could. Daniel folded himself in Jinyong’s arms, burying his face in Jinyong’s neck.

Daniel winced at first when he felt a hand in his hair.

“Sorry—”

“It’s fine,” Daniel whispered. “You just surprised me.”

Carefully, Jinyong continued to play with Daniel’s hair.

“What were you going to tell me?”

Now it was Jinyong’s turn to wince. “Nothing,” he said at last. “It doesn’t matter.”

Just as Daniel was about to start convincing Jinyong to tell him, the doorbell rang. Jinyong and Daniel exchanged looks. They separated in order for Jinyong to go open the door.

Looking through the peephole, he cursed. “It’s Nicholas… What is he doing here!?”

“He did ask me where I was…” Daniel muttered. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said.”

“No, it’s fine.” Jinyong took a bracing breath and opened the door.

“Hey,” Nicholas’ voice.

After a pause, “Hi.”

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Jinyong moved out of the way and Nicholas stumbled inside.

Daniel stood up in case Jinyong needed help with him.

The silence was uncomfortable. Nicholas unzipped his jacket and left it on the hanger, not after missing the hook a few times. Then he leaned against the wall next to the TV and stared ahead.

“Nicholas, what are you doing here?” Jinyong asked tiredly.

Nicholas looked up, and it took him a while to respond. “I needed to… I needed to see you.” He looked from Jinyong to Daniel. “Both of you.”

Daniel’s heart leaped. He was prepared to be the third wheel again, to be an uncomfortable observer. But that one sentence from Nicholas suddenly pulled him into the situation.

“Me?” Daniels stuttered.

“You.”

“What do you want from us?” Jinyong asked.

“Jinyong!” Daniel scolded for his harsh tone.

“I just had to tell you something,” Nicholas mumbled.

“Oh,” Daniel uttered. He gave Jinyong a sideways glance. “I guess it’s a night of confessions.”

He meant it as a joke, but to Daniel’s surprise, Nicholas said, “You have no idea.”

Nicholas took a deep breath. “I’m in love with you. Both of you.”

No one dared speak, move or breathe.

“So… that’s all.” And Nicholas stood up straight and tried to make way for the door, forgetting his jacket.

“Hold on just one fucking second,” Jinyong said, slamming his palm on the door and blocking Nicholas’ path. “You can’t just say that and leave. What—what the fuck dude!?”

Nicholas shrugged. “I have nothing else to say. I just needed to get that off my chest.”

Daniel approached. He wrapped an arm around Nicholas’ waist and led him to the couch. Once sitting down, Nicholas rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.

“How did you get here?” Daniel asked.

“Taxi,” Nicholas said, voice muffled. “I told him to wait… I knew this wouldn’t take long.”

Jinyong looked at Daniel. “I’ll take care of the taxi, you watch over him.” Jinyong grabbed his wallet and went out the door.

Nicholas’ shoulders started shaking. Daniel shuffled closer, embracing him.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Daniel muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Nicholas said. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go this way.”

“It’s fine. You… I don’t know what you expected, Nick, but either way we’re here for you. We’re not leaving you.”

Nicholas didn’t respond. He continued to cry quietly.

Jinyong returned promptly. He went to the bathroom, just like that night the three of them spent together. He brought the activated carbon and water for Nicholas, then sat down next to him, once again sandwiching him between himself and Daniel.

Both Daniel and Jinyong had a hand on Nicholas’ back. He took a pill, then returned to hiding his face.

He kept apologizing, voice muffled.

“You should go to sleep,” Jinyong suggested. “We can talk when you’re sober.”

“No! That was—the point was for me  _ not  _ to be sober, I—”

Jinyong then did something completely unexpected both for Nicholas and Daniel. He leaned in and kissed Nicholas’ cheek.

“It’s important for you to rest, okay? And don’t worry about the talk, it’ll be okay.”

Nicholas’ eyes glistened. “Don’t do that. Don’t give me hope.”

“We’ll talk about this,” Jinyong said slowly. “When you’re sober. And everything will be okay. Trust me.”

Nicholas didn’t respond affirmatively, but, feeling like he didn’t have a choice, he let himself be handled. Daniel and Jinyong took him to the bedroom and put him to sleep, tucking him in gently. Then, encouraged by Jinyong’s previous actions, Daniel leaned in and kissed Nicholas’ forehead.

He only sniffled.

Both Jinyong and Daniel wished him a goodnight. He responded in a soft mutter.

Daniel and Jinyong were once again alone in the living room.

“I have a feeling I know what you were going to tell me,” Daniel whispered.

“Do you?”

“I…” Daniel swallowed. “I thought you and Nicholas… But now...”

“I love you,” Jinyong blurted out. “But I love him too. And I just—”

Daniel let out a breath, burying his face in his hands. “For so long I was jealous, but I didn’t know of  _ whom _ . It turned out that—I liked both of you and was jealous of the both of you and…”

“Is that why you left?” Jinyong asked.

Daniel shook his head. “Well—not really? I was… I felt abandoned. I felt that I was losing you both at the same time and… I couldn’t be around either one of you.”

Jinyong nodded. He reached out and took Daniel’s hand, passing a thumb over his knuckles. “I understand.”

Daniel wiggled himself over, pushing himself into Jinyong’s hold.

“Do you want to finish watching the movie? Or do you want to sleep?” Jinyong asked.

“I’m tired,” Daniel answered.

Jinyong stood up and offered to carry Daniel, an offer which he wholeheartedly accepted. He clung onto Jinyong until he was put down onto the bed, beside Nicholas. The bed was big enough for all three of them to fit, something that made Daniel quite happy.

Nicholas was already asleep. Daniel wiggled out of his clothes and accepted a shirt from Jinyong to sleep in. When Jinyong had changed into his pyjamas, he got in beside Daniel and the younger immediately demanded he be held.

Jinyong couldn’t help but smile. He cupped Daniel’s cheeks and kissed his nose, then his cheeks, then his forehead. Daniel had to stifle his laughter, not wanting to wake Nicholas up, even though no noise would probably be able to accomplish that.

Nuzzling close to each other, the two drifted off.

* * *

Daniel was the first one to wake up, judging by the two sets of snores coming from either side of him. Deciding to let Nicholas rest some more, Daniel turned to Jinyong. He propped himself up, resting his hands on the mattress, and began to lean in. He continued to get close until his bangs were tickling Jinyong’s face.

Jinyong’s eyes fluttered open and he whined, gently pushing Daniel away.

“Stoop,” he complained, instead wrapping his arms around Daniel’s waist and pulling him in, thereby preventing him from pulling any more pranks.

Not that Daniel minded their new position. He took Jinyong’s hand and brought it up to his lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“I’ve missed you,” Jinyong whispered.

“I’ve missed you too.” Daniel kissed Jinyong’s wrist.

“We should live together again,” Jinyong then said, hooking his chin to Daniel’s shoulder.

Daniel nodded slowly. His heart beat faster just thinking about it. He hadn’t been doing well on his own. Thinking of having Jinyong around again nearly made him tear up.

He wasn’t alone. He wouldn’t be alone again.

“Maybe with him too,” Jinyong said, reaching over to poke Nicholas’ arm. “Maybe at his house, it’s much bigger than my apartment, probably yours too.”

Daniel once again had to stifle his laughter.

“Bit of we’re going to live in his house, we are going to have to tell him about all of this,” Jinyong observed and reached over, beginning to continuously poke Nicholas’ side.

“Noo, let the man sleep!” Daniel scolded in a whisper. “He had a rough night.”

“He slept enough! We need him now.”

“At least be gentle…”

Jinyong sighed and instead of poking resorted to gently shaking Nicholas.

Eventually, his eyes opened. He whimpered a little and buried his face in the pillow he’d been sleeping on.

“Was yesterday a dream?” Nicholas asked, voice muffled by the pillow.

“Nope.” Jinyong had sat up and now had a hand on Daniel’s tummy, while looking at Nicholas. “We need to talk.”

Nicholas laced his fingers in his hair, holding his head. “Please no.”

“Will you just tell him? Put him out of his misery,” Daniel said with a small smile.

“Tell me what?” Nicholas asked, lifting his head a little.

Jinyong sighed and rearranged himself so that he was sitting up straight, “Daniel and I talked… Do you remember what you told us last night?”

At first, Nicholas didn’t move. Then, slowly, he nodded.

“Well,” Jinyong said. “Daniel and I realized that we feel the same way. Towards each other, and you.”

Nicholas sat up and stared at Jinyong, then at Daniel, then back at Jinyong.  _ “What?” _

“Do you need me to spell it out? Jinyong leaned in, removing his hand from Daniel’s tummy so as to not squish him as he shifted his weight. “I fucking love you, dumbass. And Daniel does too.”

Nicholas swallowed, perhaps a little flustered with how close Jinyong had gotten. He looked at Daniel, unsure, asking for a confirmation.

Daniel nodded. He felt his cheeks burning, but he was surely not as red as Nicholas, whose ears and neck flushed as well.

Nicholas cleared his throat. “This… is not how I expected this to go.”

Daniel sat up, having to wiggle himself in-between Jinyong and Nicholas.

“Me neither,” Daniel said. “I guess we were both wrong.”

Seeing Nicholas shake, Daniel wrapped his arms around him. Nicholas didn’t hug back right away. It took him a while to unravel, to bury his face in Daniel’s neck and cling onto him.

Jinyong gently stroked Nicholas’ hair, while holding Daniel’s waist. When Nicholas pulled away, he had to wipe his eyes. He was looking away in an attempt to hide his face.

“Fuck—I’m sorry. This is stupid, I’m sorry,” he was muttering.

Daniel was holding onto Nicholas’ sleeve.

“It’s not stupid,” Jinyong said. He reached out and cupped Nicholas’ cheek, wiping his tears.

Nicholas ended up sandwiched in a hug, both Daniel and Jinyong squeezing him gently.

“I thought you wouldn’t have me back,” Nicholas whispered.

Daniel took a deep breath and kissed his cheek. Nicholas’ eyes widened. Daniel paid it no mind.

“Don’t think about that now,” he said softly.

He didn’t like the way Jinyong pulled away, how he held Nicholas’ hand to his chest and, or the way he looked at him.

“Listen… I’m glad to have you back too. But I still can’t stand behind your drinking problem.”

Nicholas tried to pull his hand away. Daniel took his other hand and kissed his knuckles. “Don’t be upset with us, we’re just worried.”

“I want to stop too, I just—I don’t wanna go to rehab. Not  _ now _ , not when we  _ just  _ got together—”

Daniel mimicked Jinyong’s gesture of pressing Nicholas’ hand to his chest. “How about you go, just for a short while, and we’ll wait for you? We’re not going anywhere, Nick.”

Nicholas shook his head. “I don’t want to leave.”

“This is what’s best for you,” Jinyong said. “You two—There’s only so much I can do for you. You need to start taking care of yourselves.”

Daniel swallowed. The time he’d spent away from both Jinyong and Nicholas… He’d picked up some bad habits. At the time, he didn’t think that his actions were hurting anyone. He wasn’t close with anyone, he’d pushed his friends away. But now… He felt that it was all catching up with him.

He looked at Nicholas. “If you go to rehab, I’ll return to therapy.”

“Wait, what?” asked a worried Jinyong.

“Do we have a deal?” Daniel asked, not looking away from Nicholas.

Nicholas contemplated the idea, but in the end he nodded.

“What was that? You’re going back to therapy?” Jinyong took Daniel by the shoulder.

Daniel looked down, shuffling closer to Nicholas as if to hide himself. “I… Well. While I was alone, I kind of… I didn’t see the point. I didn’t feel that medication and therapy was working so I stopped….”

“Danny...” Jinyong said, voice dripping with disappointment and worry.

Nicholas hugged him, cradling his head. “If you’re going to take steps to get better, then I will too. I… Fuck, I don’t want to leave you guys, but…”

“You’re not leaving us,” said Daniel. “You’re just going away for a little while.” He leaned in and kissed Nicholas’ cheek.

Jinyong now embraced Daniel, holding him tight. “Promise me you won’t do something so stupid again. Promise me you’ll do your best to get better.”

A little taken aback, Daniel nodded. “Of course,” he muttered.

For a little while, none of them wanted to move.

It was an odd morning. The three of them had breakfast, got dressed and spent the rest of the morning cuddling on the couch. Daniel found himself incredibly touch starved, and judging by how touchy the two were, Jinyong and Nicholas were as well.

Afterwards they went to Nicholas’ place to help him pack and see him off.

Daniel held Nicholas’ hand while he talked to the nurse at the front desk, and Jinyong had his arm around Nicholas’ waist.

When they hugged, none of them wanted to let go. Daniel and Jinyong stayed at the lobby, watching Nicholas go. He only stopped at the door to give them one last wave.


End file.
